Journal

I never thought I’d be alone in this house. Physically. With my family of 5 odds are there would be someone. But the girls are busy building their lives. Jeremy is trying to repair his. Truman has left us and I’m all alone. How do you rebuild a life anyway? A life you don’t want. A life with beautiful people I love endlessly and will continue to live for but this isn’t something I want. Time is fucked. I don’t want more of it. I want back the time I had. Please. I don’t want to be alone. I can’t be alone. I need Jeremy to get better so we can build whatever it is that we are capable of building from what is left here. But I need him healthy. I can’t do anything more than grief. I can’t live a life that’s clouded in any way. The living after Truman’s death is more than I can handle. I can’t do any more.

Do you think Lisa Marie Presleys heart finally just gave up? The loss of her son took its toll on her body.

"My beautiful beautiful angel, I worshipped the ground you walked on, on this earth and now in Heaven. My heart and soul went with you. The depth of the pain is suffocating and bottomless without you every moment of every day," -Lisa Presley

I’m so worried my life will be cut short due to this stress. Grieving the loss of a child to suicide is guilt ridden. It’s consuming. It could have ended a million different ways but this one, the one way it ended was the only one that is unacceptable. Unlivable. It has added years to my bones. A heaviness to my bones. A cloud of hopelessness and desperation follow me around everywhere. It infiltrates my mind and my soul. It is a dark life. A worrisome one for my loved ones. A worrisome one for me.