Journal Entry July 6, 2022
- tannab3
- Jul 6, 2022
- 1 min read
Will this ever get easier? It just keeps getting worse.
Will we ever figure out how to carry this load? I heard that the grief never gets easier you just make room for it. It settles in and makes a home and you learn how to carry it.
The harsh reality of child loss is ugly.
What lies in the aftermath of a suicide would tear you apart. The guilt. The what ifs. All the questions that will never be answered.
People tell us they wish they could take this pain from us even for a short period of time to give our souls a break. What would happen though is they would throw it back at us the second they felt it and run home and hold their children.
Suicide has ripped through our family. In its wake left our hearts in two. Our souls? Empty. Purposeless. Our family is ruined. The parents our kids grew up with? The comfortable home they knew? Gone.
I know if he had had any comprehension of the devastation this would leave he wouldn’t have done it. He didn’t want this for us. He just didn’t know how else to live.
Some nightmares don’t end when we open our eyes.
-Truman’s mom 💙💞💙
Tanna, you are showing us the depths of this anguish with words that continue to capture the raw honesty; and the image of a family unrecognizable after losing Truman in such a specifically tragic way. I wouldn't expect you to be writing about your experience with any less intensity, despair or horror. Fierce is your love for Truman, Natalee and Trinity. I'm grateful you are allowing us to listen and learn.