Days

Some days are heavy with that feeling of dread. Like that instant when you feel the color drain from your face and it hangs over you all day. My heart flops endlessly like a dying fish inside my chest and that scream is trapped just right there, in my throat.

Other days my heartstrings are constantly on the edge. Like he’s pulling on them from where ever he is. Hopefully missing me too as much as I’m missing him. And that trapped scream creeps up higher in my throat until I burst into sobs. Pleading to have him back. To change things. To save him. And that nagging unacceptable truth keeps intruding into my mind. I can’t fix this. I can’t change this. This. This is my life.